Another House Dream

Over a year ago, I had a really vivid dream about my house. (You can read about that here: http://andisupdate.blogspot.com/2015/02/it-started-with-dream.html)

Last night, I had another vivid dream about a house - not my current house - but a house that I bought. So, this morning, I looked up what houses represent in dreams.

They actually represent you. They represent your life.

I was kind of blown away by this because I'm not much of a dreamer, but sometimes God uses dreams to catch my attention when I need Him to. I think I needed him to capture my attention today.

Last night, I dreamed that I bought this amazing house for very little money. It was perfect. People would come over and ask how I afforded it. Somehow, it was connected to this resort, and because of that, I had access to a nearly private, in-ground pool; a private hot tub; and even rides.

Inside the house, there was a baby grand piano and a water feature that was three-stories tall. It was peaceful and inviting and absolutely, overwhelmingly beautiful.

I was alone. No Kyle. No family. No friends. Just me.

I think that was important because I'm not gonna lie, aside from meeting Kyle, this past year or so has been really difficult. I haven't been able to focus on anything that's been really important to me: faith, my family, church, health & fitness, and even some of my friendships have suffered. It's been a year of giving up a lot for other people. I don't begrudge that. At times, it is necessary, but today, I felt like God was getting my attention and giving me permission to move on with my life.

In fact, I couldn't see it until just this moment, but I had a meeting with my new boss this morning, where she actually confirmed this for me. She empowered me to let go of something that I've struggled to let go of. I needed her to do this for me, and I'm grateful. And scared. And hopeful.

I'm not going to lie. It is probably one of the hardest things I have to do. But I want that life back. I want a beautiful, peaceful house. I want my joy back.

Today, I feel like God gave me permission.

It's not selfish to take care of yourself. This is probably one of the most difficult concepts I have to wrap my head around. My best friend is a counselor, and she preaches self-care. Every fiber inside of me screams out "You are being selfish!" But the truth of the matter is that it's just like riding on an airplane. When the oxygen mask falls out of the ceiling, you can't help anyone if you haven't helped yourself first. You can't make life better for someone if you are suffocating.

If you don't believe me, Jesus even set this example for us. In the midst of Jesus becoming the most popular guy on the planet, Luke 5:16 briefly mentions that He often withdrew to lonely places to pray. He did this because He knew that He was no good to anyone if He wasn't spending time with His Father.

So today, I want to give anyone reading this blog permission to take care of themselves. Don't let life strangle the joy out of you. It is hard to establish boundaries with people we love, but we have to do it. Boundaries make us all uncomfortable. Trust me, I know. However, the best thing we can do is to establish those boundaries and respect the boundaries that other people set.

Let's all have the best "house" possible.

Last Day

Today is Friday, March 27. It is officially the last day of my fast. I can't remember a time that I've been more grateful for but so happy to see end.

Over the last 40 days or so, there has been a lot of difficulty but a lot of blessing.

As I've been on this journey, I've consistently asked myself if I'm doing this grudgingly or out of a heart of love for Jesus. It must be out of a heart of love.

I am grateful that Jesus asked me to do this. I have been changed. I know that I cannot "live on bread alone." I need Him.

A Week to Go

Well, just two and half weeks ago, I was feeling discouraged, and I just wanted three things:

1.) To have my house back to normal - it's done! Last night, Nikki and I cleaned, and everything is back to normal. Of course, it's not perfect, and there are always things that can be done, but it feels like home again.

2.) For winter to be over with - it's official! Today is the first day of spring! The 10-day forecast has no snow in sight! Tomorrow it's going to be in the 60's. Life is good.

3.) To be able to eat - well, I just have over a week to go. Next Saturday, March 28, I will be breaking this fast.

Today is the International Day of Happiness, and I am happy.

More than Halfway - Day 24

So, I'm more than halfway there. And actually, I've decided to end my fast a tiny bit early on day 39. If you know me well, you know this is killing me. I am a big believer in finishing what you start and taking commitments very seriously. I'm also a big believer in relationship.

It's that last point that has caused me to rethink my ending date. Skylar's 18th birthday is on Saturday, March 28, and I want to celebrate with him. He wants to go out for dinner with me, and if that means I forego a day or so of fasting, so be it. My relationship with him is more important to me than finishing this one particular commitment. I promised myself at the beginning of this that I wouldn't be crazy, obsessive. All things in balance and moderation.

There is no question that this is one of the most difficult things I have done. There have been so many moments when I almost threw in the towel, but I haven't. And I'm so glad I haven't. I've already seen God overwhelming me with unexpected blessing. I'm learning so much about who I am. How much fear is deep inside of me. He is so kind and gentle - helping me to deal with it - and to let it go.

After today, I have two weeks to go.

I can do this.

Feeling Better - Day 15

I spent some time with my family last night, and I am feeling better this morning. I've had this song running through my head, and after I read my Bible this morning, I just listened to it.

Tears streamed down my face, and I knew in that moment that I serve a God who can split a sea so I can walk right through it.

Discouraged

I can't find my journal in the mess that I once called home. So, this seems to be my only place to write. Here's all I want at the moment:

1.) To have my house back to normal.

2.) To be able to eat.

3.) For winter to be over.

Is this too much to ask??? 

I know that it's just a difficult morning. I was hoping for better news. But I didn't get it. And so we wait 10 more days :(

I wish I could snap my fingers, and March would be over. But I can't. 

In the grand scheme of things, I know all of this is temporal. A few more weeks, and it will all be a distant memory. 

Easter, my favorite time of year, is just around the bend. This is what I cling to.

Lord, I need grace this morning.

Fast - Day 9

So, if you read my last blog, you know that I felt like God was calling me to a 40 day fast. I'm at the end of day nine, and I feel pretty good. There are a few work events that I have to attend in the next month that I decided I would eat at so it wouldn't become a big topic of discussion - not that I'm in anyway ashamed about my faith or my participation in lent or even the fact that I believe God spoke to me. I just remember Jesus talking about how we should behave during a fast, and that's how I want to be.

Anyway, I don't know what I thought was going to happen, but so far no major events have occurred. I do feel like scripture is coming alive for me, and I look forward to my time spent in the Bible each day, which is great.

The other thing that is happening is my increased awareness and sensitivity about what is happening around the world.

I have always loved the civil rights movement and always believed that if I had been alive in the 50's and 60's, I would have done something to help fight that injustice. I strongly believe in equality for all races because Jesus loved all people!

So, as I read the news and see all of the attrocities happening around the world - the increased momentum of ISIS; the slaughtering of Christians; the senseless murdering of children - I wonder if I am burying my head in the sand. Is this the Holocaust all over again, and I sit idly by do nothing?

I was so moved by the story of Kayla Mueller, who gave her life doing something. I think what can I do? I'm just little old me from Podunk, OH. How can I be a catalyst of change?

This is something I'm praying about - LORD - show me how I can be a voice for those who are dying and imprisoned. And, I'm also praying for the believers in Syria and surrounding areas - that God would strengthen them and give them courage.

I don't know what the future holds, but I know Who holds my future. And I'm asking that He would guide me to how I can love and serve those hurting around the world.

It Started with a Dream

There has been so much that has happened this year, already. Maybe not in a way that is noticeable to the naked eye, but so much that I believe God is working out in places I can't see... yet.

It all started with a dream.

For many years now, I have taken the advice of my pastor, and have taken the week between Christmas and the new year to see what God is saying regarding the year to come. This year, right around Christmas, I had a dream. I don't dream often, and if I do, I rarely remember the details of the dream.

I couldn't shake this dream.

The more I prayed about it, the more I felt like God was speaking through it.

I was on a trip, away from my house. When I returned, I walked inside and there was a person from work in my house. This person is someone who isn't saved, but has become a good friend to me at work and has been extremely kind and generous towards me. When I walked inside, this person said, "Hi Andrea. I want to show you what I've done for you while you were gone."

This person took me through my house to the basement. If you've ever been to my house, you know the basement is scary. It's old, tile block is leaky. The ceilings are very short with cobwebs and pipes everywhere. Part of the basement is a crawl space underneath my porch, and it's where the coal was stored to heat the house, and where piles of coal still sit, untouched now for many, many years. The folks who lived in the house before me had graffitied the walls with ghoulish skulls, etc.

All of this was gone. It was breathtaking. The old, tile block had been replaced, and the basement was finished with drywall and beautiful paint. The ceilings were many feet taller and finished as well. Gone was the coal and the graffiti. In it's place were guest rooms, bathrooms, a kitchen, and living room.

This person then led me outside through the basement door. My backyard had been professionally landscaped. There were lit paths and pools of water. Well manicured gardens and cement patios replaced my gravel parking pit.

I walked around the front of my house and realized that the siding had been cleaned and the shutters and front door painted. Everything was beautiful. I walked back inside the main level, and for the first time realized that everything was redone. I had new furniture - new appliances - new flooring. It was immaculate and must have cost more than building a brand new house would have.

Then I woke up.

As I began to pray about this dream, I felt like the Lord was saying that this would be a year of unexpected blessing. I was so excited - what a great year ahead!

However, then I saw in my mind's eye two verses: Psalm 16:5 and Luke 4:2.

I immediately pulled my Bible out and began to read. The verse in Psalms stated the the Lord is our inheritance and our blessing and the Luke scripture was the story of Jesus fasting for 40 days.

I immediately felt like the Lord was saying that He is my unexpected blessing. Discovering new things about Him this year would be like an inheritance - a gift that would change my life.

But then I felt a word of caution. Sometimes unexpected blessings begin as unexpected burdens. My first thought was my niece and my nephew. When I found out that my brother was going to have a baby outside of marriage, I only thought of the burden for my family. What I know now is that they have been the best, most unexpected blessings in my entire life. And that's what I felt like the Lord was saying to me. There were will be things that happen this year that begin as a burden but turn in to the most incredible blessing. My job is to continue to seek after Him and to keep my heart and attitude in check so that I won't become bitter or discouraged.

Which led me to the second verse - Luke 4:2. I have wanted to do a 40 day fast for many years, but have always been afraid. I feel like I MUST do it this year. So I am. Starting tomorrow - Ash Wednesday.

I can already tell you that there have been situations this year that have led me back to a place of fear and anxiety. Difficult circumstances that have made me want to quit and walk away from everything. My one defense has been Jesus. I began the year with a resolution to read the Bible in a year using an app on my i-Pad. It has been my sure-footing—the only thing that has sustained me when I felt like I couldn't depend on anything else. This is scripture I have read time and time again, but it has come alive. Moments in Mark where Jesus, in His compassion, heals and loves and forgives. The faithfulness of God through Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. And the wisdom of Proverbs.

This morning, tears streamed down my face as I read about the faith of the men who lowered their friend through the ceiling so that he could be healed by Jesus.

When I am distressed, I remember the scripture, but I also remember my dream and the promise from God. I remember that often unexpected blessings start off as unexpected burdens. It brings me hope and keeps me walking forward - running after the prize that awaits me.

HM

You don't really know me.

But I know you.

We were classmates for a brief minute, and then you graduated.

You became a successful writer, securing a fellowship at a prestigious school. I stayed here and continued working.

I always admired your writing; the way you creatively spoke in class. You were gifted; I knew it from the start. And I wished we could have been friends, but I was a non-traditional student. The old one. Often the outcast.

Perhaps you remember me, working at your alma mater, inviting you back to do a poetry reading for our Board. You were so impressive - sharing your experiences in war. I could tell the audience was moved. I read your article that was published by the Times, and I wished I could write like that. But writing like that is created in the deepest waters of experience.

I'm writing this today because I found out that your mom passed away in December. And I cried at my desk. I'd met your mom twice in my office. She seemed so upbeat and talented. I wondered if you and your brother and your father were ok. I wondered if you still wrote. I wondered what would happen to me if it were my mom.

As strange as this is, sometimes knowing that someone else is sad brings comfort. I hope you are surrounded by comfort today. I hope that you rise in these deep waters.

December&2015

So, I am writing this post from my new iPad Air 2 in Charlotte, NC, while I visit my friends Misty and Adam for a few days. My last and most expensive jubilee was the purchase of new technology for worship. I am the proud new owner of a MacBook Pro and this fancy little iPad. While I never wanted to be an Apple snob, I had the chance to go to worship training with Andrew Ironside, where he quickly showed us the way that Mainstage and Onsong can change your worship life. I'm both excited and terrified at the possibilities!

I was able to inscribe a simple message on the back of my iPad for free, and as I thought and prayed about it, I felt like God reminded me of Hosea 6:3 - He will come like the rain. I love that verse and the imagery it brings. I am hoping that these tools will help others sense His rain. That inscription keeps that vision in front of me.

As for the coming year, I plan to continue to live life to the fullest. I don't ever want to stop adventuring. I hope to finally parasail and hot air balloon this coming year. I also hope to cross four more unvisited states off of my list this summer - Arkansas, Texas, Louisiana, and Mississippi.

Looking forward to every moment.

October&November

So, I'm not going to lie - the year of jubilee is exhausting and kind of expensive, lol. It's almost over!

In October, Mom, Dad, Sky, and I ventured to our capital city. This was a first for me, and I really loved D.C. I loved that you could navigate the streets by landmarks - and landmarks are everywhere! I loved Asian Chipotle (Shophouse), and the metro, and figuring our way around. It was great! So much history and so much to learn. We walked, and walked, and walked some more. I think I almost killed mom and dad. Sky and I had a blast! Photos are up on fbook if you are interested.

In November, for the first time, I participated in the Messiah by singing in the choir. It was one of the most beautiful things I have ever done, and I loved it. It was challenging and difficult, but when all of the instruments, and voices collided, it was heaven.

I'm currently in my last month of jubileeing {is that a word?} Anyway, my last adventure is the most expensive of all, and one that I am kind of stressing over....I'll post a pic when it arrives.

August&September

It's funny. When you are trying to be intentional about life, it becomes very difficult. I think I'm better at spontaneous adventures!

I was hoping to parasail in August, but real life happens, so for the first time ever, my roomies and I ventured to the drive-in in Strasburg, Ohio. While you might say the adventure was watching a movie outside via drive-in for the first time, I'd say the adventure was me watching a double-feature and staying up until 2 a.m. intentionally (not to mention I drove home while other people slept). Aside from my sleep deprivation, it was so fun! I loved it!

For September, I once again tried to parasail with my best bud Misty, but once again, the weather decided to foil our plans. We opted for a girl's day of beauty (so not my thing), but it was actually really relaxing. I had my first ever mani/pedi, and I really enjoyed myself! 

I have no photos to commemorate either of these moments, but I have the memories!

Barring a snow storm, October holds my first ever trip to Washington D.C. I'm excited!

June's Adventure - Fear Turns to Faith

My June adventure was all scheduled and ready to go. My dear friend Linda and I were ready to zipline at the Wilds - across lakes and wild animals. Me. The kid who is afraid of everything. Heights. Falling. etc. This was a Big. Deal.

We arrived - were fed dinner, (even though that wasn't part of the deal), and then we proceeded to watch the hardest torrential downpour fall from the sky. Of course this would happen. I couldn't decide if I was relieved that I wouldn't have to face my fears or extremely frustrated because I just wanted to get it over with.

June turned to July and my OCD-self was concerned that I hadn't really had an adventure in June.

However, something completely unexpected happened in June when my pastor approached me to take over my dad's position as worship leader. Talk about adventure. Talk about fear. I said yes because I know that God is calling me. I know that He is so good at helping turn my fear into faith.

And that's what happened this past Sunday when Linda and I finally (after weeks of rain) got to experience ziplining for the first time. I swallowed my fear and stepped off that first platform thinking "Only 9 more to go and I can be done." What I realized as I experienced soaring through the air and looking at the incredible beauty of the Wilds was that God is faithful. He turns fear into faith when we give it to Him. He ordains situations and people and experiences that we could never have dreamed of.

After weeks of waiting to zipline, and crumbling under that anxiety, it turns out that one of our guides was a good friend of my brothers. Both our guides were funny and put us at ease. The other folks zipping with us were fun and adventurous. Everything was perfect. The weather. The company. The entire experience. Because I faced my fear, I have a new hobby. I. love. ziplining!

As I was soaring through that first zip, my entire attitude changed, and I thought "What, I only have 9 more zips to go? Boo!"

Our Ziplining Team

The Year of Jubilee Continues - I'm Officially 30 :) Here's May's Adventure

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May

March's Misadventure & April's Joy

This blog is terribly delayed, but that's what happens during a year of jubilee - too much celebration to write!

So, March's adventure was to go see my favorite comedian, Jim Gaffigan, live in Cleveland. The tickets were booked, the hotel was reserved, and myself along with my two roommates were dolled up and ready for a weekend in Cleveland. 

Our hotel was but a block from the theatre. We drove after work on a Friday night to check into the hotel and walk to our destination for non-stop laughter. 

As we left the hotel, my dearest Kristin managed to twist her ankle, and severely hurt her foot. (We wouldn't know how hurt it was until much later). It was about 9:30 p.m. The show was to begin at 10. Kristin contemplated going back to the hotel, but we coerced her to hobble to the theatre. 

I remember sitting in the theatre, waiting for Jim to take the stage. Kristin had tears streaming down her face, and I had no way to comfort her.

Anyway, the show began, and was truly hilarious! I'd never so laughed so much in my life. And Kristin was able to laugh through her pain. 

Following the show, Nikki and I ran back to the hotel, changed in to pj's, checked out of the hotel, and raced back to the theatre to pick up Kristin. At 2 a.m., we arrived at the hospital. There, we stayed up all night waiting for Kristin to get an answer about her foot. At 7 a.m., we were home, Kristin had a broken foot, and in the midst of tired frustration, we laughed at our crazy misadventure.

_______

April's adventure was much different in nature. For Lent, which actually began in March, I decided to go vegan. I didn't know if I would actually be able to make it until Easter, but somehow I did, and I actually didn't mind vegan life, except for the awkward moments at restaurants when you become, that person. You know who I'm talking about. The one that asks how food is prepared.... I've never been so happy not to go out to eat. You know the wait staff is talking about you in the kitchen. Anyway, I decided, I could be vegan if not for being such an inconvenience.

_______

It's May Day. Run outside barefoot, and enjoy the promise of the coming summer. May's adventure is the big one! California, here I come. Until...

February Jubilee

I'll keep this short and sweet. My February Jubilee consisted of a road trip to Charlotte, North Carolina to visit my bff and her hubby (and her little dog too). While this might not seem like a big deal, it was. It was the longest I have ever driven anywhere by myself since I don't really care to be alone. Here's what my long weekend included:

*3:30 a.m. bedtimes - totally an adventure for me who likes to be in bed by 9 p.m.

*4 days of quality time with my best friend

*5 mile hikes and walks each day

*12 hours of drive time (all by myself)

Food, eating, shopping, talking, laughing, Lake Norman, Latta Plantation, church visiting, did I mention food? ;)

It's always a balm to my soul to be around someone who has known you from the beginning and still loves you anyway.

I am looking forward to my March jubilee. Stay tuned!

No One Can Make You Feel Inferior Without Your Consent...

...That's what I've always told myself anyway. Thanks Eleanor Roosevelt for that sage advice; if only it were easily lived out. For the past several months, I've noticed that I have begun to feel completely inferior compared to everyone in my life. It's not that I've never felt inferior before, but lately, it seems like a recurring theme. And, I'm not writing this blog so that people will feel sorry for me and tell me how awesome I am. I'm writing this blog for my own sanity and need to see the truth.

I've always believed that it's important to be self-aware—know your strengths and your weaknesses. Don't tout your skill at something when, in fact, you really aren't that great at it. The last 29 years of my life, I've been an introvert to the core. I didn't let people in to my life very easily. I was guarded. But this past year, I've lived so differently than I ever have before. I enjoy people. I want them to be around. I even let new folks in to my world.

Hence, my newly found inferiority complex.

The truth is, when you let a bunch of imperfect people invade your life, things happen. Good things. Bad things. I've learned that I compare myself. I let the words spoken to me penetrate my heart and my head. I tend to listen to imperfect voices rather than the only voice that counts, Jesus.

When I think about the good things, I am compelled to press on. People matter. And no matter how much pain I experience, the gain far exceeds it. This is what Jesus has called us to. This is what Jesus has called me to.

The truth of the matter is, no matter what people say, I know this about God:

13 For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.

 Life is not a competition. Life is meant to be lived loving God and loving people. The other stuff, is just that, stuff. It only gets in the way of our purpose. Our mission.

I want to be better at this. I want to rise above insecurities that are trivial beyond belief. I don't want to fear to keep me from dreaming and doing and walking through doors that God has opened for me.

This song has become my daily prayer—my reminder that He is enough.

I Shall Not Want

30 - A Year for Jubilee

*Clears throat conspicuously*

2014, among many other glowing occasions, marks my 30th year on this planet. It also marks my cousin/bff/twins 30th birthday as well. Having grown up with her as my constant companion through the good and the bad - the awkward teen years {gasp} - and as we've bungled through our twenties together, it seems only appropriate that we enter 30 together, garishly. Sar had this brilliant idea (her ideas are always brilliant) to celebrate this year as her year of jubilee - having adventures the entirety of 2014. I decided I needed to piggy back on this idea as well since I am pragmatically practical (yes they mean the same thing - it's for emphasis), always! Since I need organization even in disorganized adventuring, I decided that I wanted to have one adventure a month this coming year.

Sar and I had a clandestine meeting on a Saturday in January for another brilliant idea (by Sar of course) - bleaching and dyeing the tips of our hair in bold, extravagant colors. Below is the evidence :)

Sally's - birthplace of radical hair!

Getting ready for what looks like a very fun experiement

I love painting! Sar isn't too sure though :)

Waiting impatiently for activation - we watched Monster Inc., ate sweet potatoes and salad, and laughed a lot!

Baking the color in.

Dramatic...

wash.

Sar's magnificent results!

Sar's video documentary :)

I didn't really get a results photo because it turns out that my hair doesn't really like to be bright, bold, and vibrant. :) While the tips of my hair are now bleach blonde, my aqua tips never quite worked out despite multiple attempts. That's ok. Blonde is probably about as wild as I'll ever be.

Thus, our first moment of jubilee was born. Catch the blog again next month for another adventure...

Discipline and Self-Control - LORD, Give Me Strength

Looking back on my 29 years of life, I cannot remember a time when I've had cling so tightly to a promise from God. Everyday, I literally have to remind myself not to give up.

At the beginning of this year, I knew that God was calling me to a deeper place in regards to self-control and discipline, quite possibly my two least favorite words. How could I say I loved God when I was so clearly living in a place of sin? I had never looked at my lack of self-control regarding food/healthy living in that way. Ever. But at the start of this year, it never seemed to make more sense. My body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, and it's the only one I get until that beautiful day when I get to spend eternity with Him. I want to honor Him in every way, including this very difficult area.

So here I am. Almost 9 months later. I have lost 48 pounds, and I have 34 more to go. This summer, while I was still disciplined in many ways, I was spending a lot of time with friends, enjoying the summer, which I think I desperately needed. Anyway, now that school is back in session, and many of my closest friends have moved away, I am ready to hit this self-control/discipline thing hard!

In May 2014, I turn the big 3-0, and I want to have practiced self-control/discipline in all of the areas that I feel like God is leading me to. I am, without question, a list person. I love to cross things off, or make a big red check mark next to an item that I have accomplished. So, I have printed an academic year calendar, and listed the following things that I am so hoping to accomplish within the next 9 months:

1.) Lose 34 more pounds

2.) Continue to eat healthy (no gluten/no sugar/whole foods as much as possible)

3.) Continue to work-out daily - I would love to run a 5K. I have a ways to go!

4.) Spend time with Jesus everyday

5.) Memorize a verse a week - So far, I've memorized Proverbs 19:21; 1 Peter 5:7; Galatians 6:9; and I'm currently working on 2 Samuel 22:31

6.) Read three books per month including a classic, a book of choice, and something to augment my time with Jesus. (I am failing here. Every time I pick up a book, I imagine being back in school - ah!)

7.) Become more focused in my calling - this has been difficult, but I am doing it. I love to be busy, but I felt like God said it was time to scale back in my duties to focus on what He's called me to in this season: worship and deeper relationships with the people He's placed in my life.

8.) Regularly, spend time fasting (this may kill me :)

9.) Save! Save! Save! Now that I'm a grown up with bills and a mortgage, I realize the importance of having a stash of cash in case something happens to my house, car, or job. I thoroughly enjoyed my summer, but I know now I need to utilize some self-control and start stashing some of the hard, earned cash in the 'ole savings account and my piggy bank for the big cross-country the roomies and I are taking in May.

10.) Sleep. This may seem silly, but I have realized the value and importance of rest. We are the most exhausted nation in the world. I'm doing my best to be in bed by 10:30 every week night so that when the alarm goes off at 5:30 a.m. to jog, I don't start praying by saying, "LORD, let this cup be passed from me."

I think it's so important to have goals and to keep pressing forward with them. If we stop growing, we stop living. What goals are you pressing toward? I'd love to hear from you.

P.S. This song has been a constant source of strength when I feel like giving up!

1 Peter 5:7-10 - Cast and Release

So, lately, I've realized that I have wandered far away from some of my hobbies, like writing and reading. And even though blogging has become archaic, replaced with cheap and quick counterparts like Tumblr, Twitter, and even Facebook, I decided to get back to this—not for anyone out there exactly—but for me. This is a good place for me to sort out my thoughts.

About a week and half ago, I was out jogging in the morning, and I was sad. Even though I've been told my entire life that exercise makes you happy because it gives you endorphins, I'm here to tell you that you can exercise and still be sad. There I was, sweating away to a random playlist on my I-Phone, trying to give some things to God, and all I wanted to do was hold on to each and every care. I'm not an emotional person. Ask my friends. I'm a big fan of logic driven decisions, but I'm not going to lie. While I was gasping for air, I wanted to let my emotions run rampant, when I felt like God started speaking 1 Peter 5:7 to me. You have probably heard some version of this verse, "Cast your cares on me, because I care for You." That's what I heard, over and over during my jog.

When I got home, I Googled the reference because I had no idea where the verse was, and I started reading all of 1 Peter 5. That's when I had an epiphany about how simplistic this whole process of casting cares really can be if we don't give up.

Anyway getting back to 1 Peter, I was struck by the juxtaposition of this warm and fuzzy verse of comfort right next to a verse of caution. Immediately after we give our cares to God, Peter emphasizes how important it is that we be on guard against the attacks of the enemy. So often, when I give my cares to God, I do one of two things. First, I either take the care back immediately, so I can begin to worry about it, or, I forget about it completely. I'm really good at divorcing myself from difficult situations, because it's an easy way to cope. But I don't think either of these solutions is what Peter was talking about. He tells us to cast our cares on God, and to be looking out for the devil who prowls like a lion. It doesn't take long to be devoured by worry, fear, and anxiety. Trust me. I know.

It's easy to give our cares to God, but it's not so easy to follow through. We have a responsibility to take action. First, we give our cares to God, but then, it's our job to stand firm on the promises of God regarding those cares. What has God spoken over my life? The lives of my family? What does He say in the Bible? Am I burying my head in the sand because it's too painful to deal with or am I constantly worrying about the difficulties of this life? The truth of the matter is that I don't have to do either. If I remember to cast my cares on to God and I persistently believe and hold fast to the promises of God, then His promise in 1 Peter 5 will come to pass: "... he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation." 

Take time today to find a promise in the Bible to memorize and cling to. It's not difficult to do. The first one I found was in Proverbs 19:21, which basically says, you can make all the plans that you want, but the LORD's purposes will prevail. Go ahead. You can borrow this one.

I was talking to my good friend about the question that trips so many people up: why doesn't God stop bad things from happening to people? We all have our answer to this question. Free will, blah, blah, blah. But in that conversation I said that I wish I had all the answers, but I don't. I only know that the truth of God's word is what I have to hold on to. And in these coming months, while I find myself in a season of waiting, I'm going to be holding on to the promises that God has made to me.