The Doldrums

In Websters: 1. a state of inactivity or stagnation, as in business or art: August is a time of doldrums for many enterprises.

So, this is kind of how I feel right now—not that good things aren't happening, but not a lot is going on! With summertime comes family reunions and the inevitable, "What have you been up to," question. I am guilty of asking the same thing. I found myself asking all of my cousins what they had been up to, and not only is it an annoying question, but I just realized that it ends in a preposition, which is not a good thing for an English major! : ) Like I said, grammar was never my strong suit! I reply with the usual "working, school, same old...". Usually, I get a similar response!

Oswald Chambers had this to say about the doldrums:

"The final stage in the life of faith is attainment of character. There are many passing transfigurations of character; when we pray we feel the blessing of God enwrapping us and for the time being we are changed, then we get back to the ordinary days and ways and the glory vanishes. The life of faith is not a life of mounting up with wings, but a life of walking and not fainting. It is not a question of sanctification; but of something infinitely further on than sanctification, of faith that has been tried and proved and has stood the test."

My Utmost for His Highest, March 19-The Way of Abraham in Faith

When I come to the realization that my life of faith depends on these times—the doldrums—I am content. We are called to be steadfast, whether in times of great joy, great sorrow, or the seemingly nothingness. This summer, even though nothing major seems to be happening, it is during this time and those like it that my faith has the chance to prove its endurance.

Top 5's (At the Moment)

Movies

1.) Pride & Prejudice (Keira Knightley)
2.) Return to Me
3.) Napoleon Dynamite
4.) Evan Almighty
5.) My Big Fat Greek Wedding

Books

1.) The Bible
2.) The Scarlet Pimpernel
3.) The Circle Trilogy (Ted Dekker)
4.) Anne of Green Gables
5.) My Utmost for His Highest

Food/Drink

1.) Chai Tea
2.) McDonald's Hamburgers
3.) Rucker John's Chicken
4.) California Salad
5.) Chicken Salad!

TV Shows

1.) The Office
2.) American Idol
3.) One Tree Hill (don't laugh) :)
4.) The Amazing Race
5.) Survivor

Musicians

1.) Bebo Norman
2.) Shawn McDonald
3.) Shane Bernard & Shane Everett
4.) Josh Groban
5.) Misc. friends (Sare, Hannah, etc.)

Colors

1.) Brown
2.) Red
3.) Green
4.) Blue
5.) Purple

Random Things

1.) Driving with the windows down and the music blaring!
2.) Adventures in Odyssey (radio drama from Focus on the Family)
3.) The Ocean (especially Emerald Isle, NC)
4.) Quiet times of worship with the Father
5.) Being with good friends, playing games, & laughing!

**BONUS Likes
—Croquet
—The pool
—Being happy : )

It's Been Awhile

The past week or so I have been bored because the blogs I read have been pretty quiet which leaves me bored during my down times at work. I then realized that it has been awhile since I've blogged! So, I guess I need to practice what I preach. There hasn't been much happening...so I won't bore you with the details, but I will tell you what I did over the weekend...

Saturday I was forced to go dress shopping (a traumatic experience to say the least)! I realized while shopping that I don't wear dresses for a reason! However, I have a wedding on July 28 (my cousin Myron). Then, on August 4, I have another wedding in Kentucky (a good friend from Youth with a Mission). It is an evening wedding, so I figured it would be fairly dressy. I went to every store that sold dresses in three different towns. I probably tried on at least 50 dresses. The good news is that I found three dresses: a sundress and jacket for my cousin's wedding, a dressier dress for the wedding in Kentucky, and I even found a dress that fits really cute to wear to work.

The other bit of good news: if I decide to open my own business, I now have a great idea! I am going to open a clothing store called The Pear...for oddly shaped women. :)

Independence Day

I love the 4th of July. There is a hint of childlike happiness in the air. It makes me think of everything good and wholesome in my life. It is the day of traditions. Nothing seemingly spectacular happens, yet, the joy that resonates as a result of this holiday is spectacular! For instance, yesterday was spent with a bunch of families from church, great food, and our annual trip to the fireworks in Cambridge. Truly small town, but truly memorable!

When I am older, I will never forget the sounds the kids made as they squealed from the cold water of the pool. I won't forget the conversation around our coffee table in the living room about the sense of humor that Mother Nature has. And I won't forget the new heart-shaped firework display that happened on my yearly trip to the fireworks with my family. Those things will be with me forever, and because of that, I am a better person.

The world in which we live can be scary and overwhelming, but days like the 4th quell the urge within me to run and hide. Instead I take pride in this country I live. Last night as I listened to God Bless the U.S.A. as I have for many years now on Independence Day, and I looked into the sky with the colorful "bombs bursting in air," I was reminded of how truly blessed I am.

Listen to the noises of children. Stop and smell the roses. Enjoy the small moments in life... we are truly blessed! Happy Birthday America!

Better to Have Loved and Lost

So you know the Tennyson statement that says it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all? Sometimes I question that statement. Yesterday, I must confess was a weird day. Some friends of ours came to visit who we never get to see. This couple made such a difference in my life, especially Phil. He actually led me to the Lord when I was 12 years old. Growing up with this family in my life made such a difference... they were so open, honest, and funny! Yesterday, I laughed so hard.

Everyone was there (almost... a few missing pieces) but it felt like old times before everyone started leaving. I don't understand that part of life. I feel like I am stuck. Everyone else has moved on in life, and here I am. The other weird part is that I don't want things to change back to the way they were. I love the people in my life now. I almost feel guilty for missing people who have gone away, as though the people here aren't good enough. I know that may sound silly, but I guess that is who I am or maybe how I am wired.

People are so important to me, and I have such a hard time connecting with people (again, I'm an introvert).... but I love people, and I have such a hard time when they leave, which brings me back to my original Tennyson thought. I always thought that Tennyson must have had some sort of tragic romance, but he actually wrote that line when he lost a good friend. This is where I question Tennyson, is the pain of losing the love of a friend worth the love you had? Would it be better to have never known the love you felt?

Maybe that sounds horrible, but when everyone left last night and we were driving home, I was so sad. A couple of things ran through my head. First, I can't wait for heaven until we are all together. Secondly, I thought that maybe I care more about these people than they care about me. What kind of an impact am I having on their lives.... what kind of an impact is my life having on anyone? And thirdly, why on earth can't I just enjoy having those moments with the people I love? Why do I analyze everything?

That is when I came to conclusion that Tennyson is right. Enjoy the moments you have with the people you love for as long as you have them, even if it doesn't seem long enough. My friend Hannah wrote a song with a line that says, "Forever is just not long enough." She is also right. Hannah and Tennyson are so wise. They reiterate the heart of the Father. The Bible says that we are aliens and strangers to this world—it is not our home. And until we are home, loss is a part of life...but so is love!