Better to Have Loved and Lost

So you know the Tennyson statement that says it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all? Sometimes I question that statement. Yesterday, I must confess was a weird day. Some friends of ours came to visit who we never get to see. This couple made such a difference in my life, especially Phil. He actually led me to the Lord when I was 12 years old. Growing up with this family in my life made such a difference... they were so open, honest, and funny! Yesterday, I laughed so hard.

Everyone was there (almost... a few missing pieces) but it felt like old times before everyone started leaving. I don't understand that part of life. I feel like I am stuck. Everyone else has moved on in life, and here I am. The other weird part is that I don't want things to change back to the way they were. I love the people in my life now. I almost feel guilty for missing people who have gone away, as though the people here aren't good enough. I know that may sound silly, but I guess that is who I am or maybe how I am wired.

People are so important to me, and I have such a hard time connecting with people (again, I'm an introvert).... but I love people, and I have such a hard time when they leave, which brings me back to my original Tennyson thought. I always thought that Tennyson must have had some sort of tragic romance, but he actually wrote that line when he lost a good friend. This is where I question Tennyson, is the pain of losing the love of a friend worth the love you had? Would it be better to have never known the love you felt?

Maybe that sounds horrible, but when everyone left last night and we were driving home, I was so sad. A couple of things ran through my head. First, I can't wait for heaven until we are all together. Secondly, I thought that maybe I care more about these people than they care about me. What kind of an impact am I having on their lives.... what kind of an impact is my life having on anyone? And thirdly, why on earth can't I just enjoy having those moments with the people I love? Why do I analyze everything?

That is when I came to conclusion that Tennyson is right. Enjoy the moments you have with the people you love for as long as you have them, even if it doesn't seem long enough. My friend Hannah wrote a song with a line that says, "Forever is just not long enough." She is also right. Hannah and Tennyson are so wise. They reiterate the heart of the Father. The Bible says that we are aliens and strangers to this world—it is not our home. And until we are home, loss is a part of life...but so is love!