Last Day

Today is Friday, March 27. It is officially the last day of my fast. I can't remember a time that I've been more grateful for but so happy to see end.

Over the last 40 days or so, there has been a lot of difficulty but a lot of blessing.

As I've been on this journey, I've consistently asked myself if I'm doing this grudgingly or out of a heart of love for Jesus. It must be out of a heart of love.

I am grateful that Jesus asked me to do this. I have been changed. I know that I cannot "live on bread alone." I need Him.

A Week to Go

Well, just two and half weeks ago, I was feeling discouraged, and I just wanted three things:

1.) To have my house back to normal - it's done! Last night, Nikki and I cleaned, and everything is back to normal. Of course, it's not perfect, and there are always things that can be done, but it feels like home again.

2.) For winter to be over with - it's official! Today is the first day of spring! The 10-day forecast has no snow in sight! Tomorrow it's going to be in the 60's. Life is good.

3.) To be able to eat - well, I just have over a week to go. Next Saturday, March 28, I will be breaking this fast.

Today is the International Day of Happiness, and I am happy.

More than Halfway - Day 24

So, I'm more than halfway there. And actually, I've decided to end my fast a tiny bit early on day 39. If you know me well, you know this is killing me. I am a big believer in finishing what you start and taking commitments very seriously. I'm also a big believer in relationship.

It's that last point that has caused me to rethink my ending date. Skylar's 18th birthday is on Saturday, March 28, and I want to celebrate with him. He wants to go out for dinner with me, and if that means I forego a day or so of fasting, so be it. My relationship with him is more important to me than finishing this one particular commitment. I promised myself at the beginning of this that I wouldn't be crazy, obsessive. All things in balance and moderation.

There is no question that this is one of the most difficult things I have done. There have been so many moments when I almost threw in the towel, but I haven't. And I'm so glad I haven't. I've already seen God overwhelming me with unexpected blessing. I'm learning so much about who I am. How much fear is deep inside of me. He is so kind and gentle - helping me to deal with it - and to let it go.

After today, I have two weeks to go.

I can do this.

Feeling Better - Day 15

I spent some time with my family last night, and I am feeling better this morning. I've had this song running through my head, and after I read my Bible this morning, I just listened to it.

Tears streamed down my face, and I knew in that moment that I serve a God who can split a sea so I can walk right through it.

Discouraged

I can't find my journal in the mess that I once called home. So, this seems to be my only place to write. Here's all I want at the moment:

1.) To have my house back to normal.

2.) To be able to eat.

3.) For winter to be over.

Is this too much to ask??? 

I know that it's just a difficult morning. I was hoping for better news. But I didn't get it. And so we wait 10 more days :(

I wish I could snap my fingers, and March would be over. But I can't. 

In the grand scheme of things, I know all of this is temporal. A few more weeks, and it will all be a distant memory. 

Easter, my favorite time of year, is just around the bend. This is what I cling to.

Lord, I need grace this morning.