Today is Friday, March 27. It is officially the last day of my fast. I can't remember a time that I've been more grateful for but so happy to see end.
Over the last 40 days or so, there has been a lot of difficulty but a lot of blessing.
As I've been on this journey, I've consistently asked myself if I'm doing this grudgingly or out of a heart of love for Jesus. It must be out of a heart of love.
I am grateful that Jesus asked me to do this. I have been changed. I know that I cannot "live on bread alone." I need Him.
Friday, March 27, 2015
Friday, March 20, 2015
A Week to Go
Well, just two and half weeks ago, I was feeling discouraged, and I just wanted three things:
1.) To have my house back to normal - it's done! Last night, Nikki and I cleaned, and everything is back to normal. Of course, it's not perfect, and there are always things that can be done, but it feels like home again.
2.) For winter to be over with - it's official! Today is the first day of spring! The 10-day forecast has no snow in sight! Tomorrow it's going to be in the 60's. Life is good.
3.) To be able to eat - well, I just have over a week to go. Next Saturday, March 28, I will be breaking this fast.
Today is the International Day of Happiness, and I am happy.
1.) To have my house back to normal - it's done! Last night, Nikki and I cleaned, and everything is back to normal. Of course, it's not perfect, and there are always things that can be done, but it feels like home again.
2.) For winter to be over with - it's official! Today is the first day of spring! The 10-day forecast has no snow in sight! Tomorrow it's going to be in the 60's. Life is good.
3.) To be able to eat - well, I just have over a week to go. Next Saturday, March 28, I will be breaking this fast.
Today is the International Day of Happiness, and I am happy.
Friday, March 13, 2015
More than Halfway - Day 24
So, I'm more than halfway there. And actually, I've decided to end my fast a tiny bit early on day 39. If you know me well, you know this is killing me. I am a big believer in finishing what you start and taking commitments very seriously. I'm also a big believer in relationship.
It's that last point that has caused me to rethink my ending date. Skylar's 18th birthday is on Saturday, March 28, and I want to celebrate with him. He wants to go out for dinner with me, and if that means I forego a day or so of fasting, so be it. My relationship with him is more important to me than finishing this one particular commitment. I promised myself at the beginning of this that I wouldn't be crazy, obsessive. All things in balance and moderation.
There is no question that this is one of the most difficult things I have done. There have been so many moments when I almost threw in the towel, but I haven't. And I'm so glad I haven't. I've already seen God overwhelming me with unexpected blessing. I'm learning so much about who I am. How much fear is deep inside of me. He is so kind and gentle - helping me to deal with it - and to let it go.
After today, I have two weeks to go.
I can do this.
It's that last point that has caused me to rethink my ending date. Skylar's 18th birthday is on Saturday, March 28, and I want to celebrate with him. He wants to go out for dinner with me, and if that means I forego a day or so of fasting, so be it. My relationship with him is more important to me than finishing this one particular commitment. I promised myself at the beginning of this that I wouldn't be crazy, obsessive. All things in balance and moderation.
There is no question that this is one of the most difficult things I have done. There have been so many moments when I almost threw in the towel, but I haven't. And I'm so glad I haven't. I've already seen God overwhelming me with unexpected blessing. I'm learning so much about who I am. How much fear is deep inside of me. He is so kind and gentle - helping me to deal with it - and to let it go.
After today, I have two weeks to go.
I can do this.
Wednesday, March 4, 2015
Feeling Better - Day 15
I spent some time with my family last night, and I am feeling better this morning. I've had this song running through my head, and after I read my Bible this morning, I just listened to it.
Tears streamed down my face, and I knew in that moment that I serve a God who can split a sea so I can walk right through it.
Tears streamed down my face, and I knew in that moment that I serve a God who can split a sea so I can walk right through it.
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
Discouraged
I can't find my journal in the mess that I once called home. So, this seems to be my only place to write. Here's all I want at the moment:
1.) To have my house back to normal.
2.) To be able to eat.
3.) For winter to be over.
Is this too much to ask???
I know that it's just a difficult morning. I was hoping for better news. But I didn't get it. And so we wait 10 more days :(
I wish I could snap my fingers, and March would be over. But I can't.
In the grand scheme of things, I know all of this is temporal. A few more weeks, and it will all be a distant memory.
Easter, my favorite time of year, is just around the bend. This is what I cling to.
Lord, I need grace this morning.
Friday, February 27, 2015
Fast - Day 9
So, if you read my last blog, you know that I felt like God was calling me to a 40 day fast. I'm at the end of day nine, and I feel pretty good. There are a few work events that I have to attend in the next month that I decided I would eat at so it wouldn't become a big topic of discussion - not that I'm in anyway ashamed about my faith or my participation in lent or even the fact that I believe God spoke to me. I just remember Jesus talking about how we should behave during a fast, and that's how I want to be.
Anyway, I don't know what I thought was going to happen, but so far no major events have occurred. I do feel like scripture is coming alive for me, and I look forward to my time spent in the Bible each day, which is great.
The other thing that is happening is my increased awareness and sensitivity about what is happening around the world.
I have always loved the civil rights movement and always believed that if I had been alive in the 50's and 60's, I would have done something to help fight that injustice. I strongly believe in equality for all races because Jesus loved all people!
So, as I read the news and see all of the attrocities happening around the world - the increased momentum of ISIS; the slaughtering of Christians; the senseless murdering of children - I wonder if I am burying my head in the sand. Is this the Holocaust all over again, and I sit idly by do nothing?
I was so moved by the story of Kayla Mueller, who gave her life doing something. I think what can I do? I'm just little old me from Podunk, OH. How can I be a catalyst of change?
This is something I'm praying about - LORD - show me how I can be a voice for those who are dying and imprisoned. And, I'm also praying for the believers in Syria and surrounding areas - that God would strengthen them and give them courage.
I don't know what the future holds, but I know Who holds my future. And I'm asking that He would guide me to how I can love and serve those hurting around the world.
Anyway, I don't know what I thought was going to happen, but so far no major events have occurred. I do feel like scripture is coming alive for me, and I look forward to my time spent in the Bible each day, which is great.
The other thing that is happening is my increased awareness and sensitivity about what is happening around the world.
I have always loved the civil rights movement and always believed that if I had been alive in the 50's and 60's, I would have done something to help fight that injustice. I strongly believe in equality for all races because Jesus loved all people!
So, as I read the news and see all of the attrocities happening around the world - the increased momentum of ISIS; the slaughtering of Christians; the senseless murdering of children - I wonder if I am burying my head in the sand. Is this the Holocaust all over again, and I sit idly by do nothing?
I was so moved by the story of Kayla Mueller, who gave her life doing something. I think what can I do? I'm just little old me from Podunk, OH. How can I be a catalyst of change?
This is something I'm praying about - LORD - show me how I can be a voice for those who are dying and imprisoned. And, I'm also praying for the believers in Syria and surrounding areas - that God would strengthen them and give them courage.
I don't know what the future holds, but I know Who holds my future. And I'm asking that He would guide me to how I can love and serve those hurting around the world.
Tuesday, February 17, 2015
It Started with a Dream
There has been so much that has happened this year, already. Maybe not in a way that is noticeable to the naked eye, but so much that I believe God is working out in places I can't see... yet.
It all started with a dream.
For many years now, I have taken the advice of my pastor, and have taken the week between Christmas and the new year to see what God is saying regarding the year to come. This year, right around Christmas, I had a dream. I don't dream often, and if I do, I rarely remember the details of the dream.
I couldn't shake this dream.
The more I prayed about it, the more I felt like God was speaking through it.
I was on a trip, away from my house. When I returned, I walked inside and there was a person from work in my house. This person is someone who isn't saved, but has become a good friend to me at work and has been extremely kind and generous towards me. When I walked inside, this person said, "Hi Andrea. I want to show you what I've done for you while you were gone."
This person took me through my house to the basement. If you've ever been to my house, you know the basement is scary. It's old, tile block is leaky. The ceilings are very short with cobwebs and pipes everywhere. Part of the basement is a crawl space underneath my porch, and it's where the coal was stored to heat the house, and where piles of coal still sit, untouched now for many, many years. The folks who lived in the house before me had graffitied the walls with ghoulish skulls, etc.
All of this was gone. It was breathtaking. The old, tile block had been replaced, and the basement was finished with drywall and beautiful paint. The ceilings were many feet taller and finished as well. Gone was the coal and the graffiti. In it's place were guest rooms, bathrooms, a kitchen, and living room.
This person then led me outside through the basement door. My backyard had been professionally landscaped. There were lit paths and pools of water. Well manicured gardens and cement patios replaced my gravel parking pit.
I walked around the front of my house and realized that the siding had been cleaned and the shutters and front door painted. Everything was beautiful. I walked back inside the main level, and for the first time realized that everything was redone. I had new furniture - new appliances - new flooring. It was immaculate and must have cost more than building a brand new house would have.
Then I woke up.
As I began to pray about this dream, I felt like the Lord was saying that this would be a year of unexpected blessing. I was so excited - what a great year ahead!
However, then I saw in my mind's eye two verses: Psalm 16:5 and Luke 4:2.
I immediately pulled my Bible out and began to read. The verse in Psalms stated the the Lord is our inheritance and our blessing and the Luke scripture was the story of Jesus fasting for 40 days.
I immediately felt like the Lord was saying that He is my unexpected blessing. Discovering new things about Him this year would be like an inheritance - a gift that would change my life.
But then I felt a word of caution. Sometimes unexpected blessings begin as unexpected burdens. My first thought was my niece and my nephew. When I found out that my brother was going to have a baby outside of marriage, I only thought of the burden for my family. What I know now is that they have been the best, most unexpected blessings in my entire life. And that's what I felt like the Lord was saying to me. There were will be things that happen this year that begin as a burden but turn in to the most incredible blessing. My job is to continue to seek after Him and to keep my heart and attitude in check so that I won't become bitter or discouraged.
Which led me to the second verse - Luke 4:2. I have wanted to do a 40 day fast for many years, but have always been afraid. I feel like I MUST do it this year. So I am. Starting tomorrow - Ash Wednesday.
I can already tell you that there have been situations this year that have led me back to a place of fear and anxiety. Difficult circumstances that have made me want to quit and walk away from everything. My one defense has been Jesus. I began the year with a resolution to read the Bible in a year using an app on my i-Pad. It has been my sure-footing—the only thing that has sustained me when I felt like I couldn't depend on anything else. This is scripture I have read time and time again, but it has come alive. Moments in Mark where Jesus, in His compassion, heals and loves and forgives. The faithfulness of God through Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. And the wisdom of Proverbs.
This morning, tears streamed down my face as I read about the faith of the men who lowered their friend through the ceiling so that he could be healed by Jesus.
When I am distressed, I remember the scripture, but I also remember my dream and the promise from God. I remember that often unexpected blessings start off as unexpected burdens. It brings me hope and keeps me walking forward - running after the prize that awaits me.
It all started with a dream.
For many years now, I have taken the advice of my pastor, and have taken the week between Christmas and the new year to see what God is saying regarding the year to come. This year, right around Christmas, I had a dream. I don't dream often, and if I do, I rarely remember the details of the dream.
I couldn't shake this dream.
The more I prayed about it, the more I felt like God was speaking through it.
I was on a trip, away from my house. When I returned, I walked inside and there was a person from work in my house. This person is someone who isn't saved, but has become a good friend to me at work and has been extremely kind and generous towards me. When I walked inside, this person said, "Hi Andrea. I want to show you what I've done for you while you were gone."
This person took me through my house to the basement. If you've ever been to my house, you know the basement is scary. It's old, tile block is leaky. The ceilings are very short with cobwebs and pipes everywhere. Part of the basement is a crawl space underneath my porch, and it's where the coal was stored to heat the house, and where piles of coal still sit, untouched now for many, many years. The folks who lived in the house before me had graffitied the walls with ghoulish skulls, etc.
All of this was gone. It was breathtaking. The old, tile block had been replaced, and the basement was finished with drywall and beautiful paint. The ceilings were many feet taller and finished as well. Gone was the coal and the graffiti. In it's place were guest rooms, bathrooms, a kitchen, and living room.
This person then led me outside through the basement door. My backyard had been professionally landscaped. There were lit paths and pools of water. Well manicured gardens and cement patios replaced my gravel parking pit.
I walked around the front of my house and realized that the siding had been cleaned and the shutters and front door painted. Everything was beautiful. I walked back inside the main level, and for the first time realized that everything was redone. I had new furniture - new appliances - new flooring. It was immaculate and must have cost more than building a brand new house would have.
Then I woke up.
As I began to pray about this dream, I felt like the Lord was saying that this would be a year of unexpected blessing. I was so excited - what a great year ahead!
However, then I saw in my mind's eye two verses: Psalm 16:5 and Luke 4:2.
I immediately pulled my Bible out and began to read. The verse in Psalms stated the the Lord is our inheritance and our blessing and the Luke scripture was the story of Jesus fasting for 40 days.
I immediately felt like the Lord was saying that He is my unexpected blessing. Discovering new things about Him this year would be like an inheritance - a gift that would change my life.
But then I felt a word of caution. Sometimes unexpected blessings begin as unexpected burdens. My first thought was my niece and my nephew. When I found out that my brother was going to have a baby outside of marriage, I only thought of the burden for my family. What I know now is that they have been the best, most unexpected blessings in my entire life. And that's what I felt like the Lord was saying to me. There were will be things that happen this year that begin as a burden but turn in to the most incredible blessing. My job is to continue to seek after Him and to keep my heart and attitude in check so that I won't become bitter or discouraged.
Which led me to the second verse - Luke 4:2. I have wanted to do a 40 day fast for many years, but have always been afraid. I feel like I MUST do it this year. So I am. Starting tomorrow - Ash Wednesday.
I can already tell you that there have been situations this year that have led me back to a place of fear and anxiety. Difficult circumstances that have made me want to quit and walk away from everything. My one defense has been Jesus. I began the year with a resolution to read the Bible in a year using an app on my i-Pad. It has been my sure-footing—the only thing that has sustained me when I felt like I couldn't depend on anything else. This is scripture I have read time and time again, but it has come alive. Moments in Mark where Jesus, in His compassion, heals and loves and forgives. The faithfulness of God through Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. And the wisdom of Proverbs.
This morning, tears streamed down my face as I read about the faith of the men who lowered their friend through the ceiling so that he could be healed by Jesus.
When I am distressed, I remember the scripture, but I also remember my dream and the promise from God. I remember that often unexpected blessings start off as unexpected burdens. It brings me hope and keeps me walking forward - running after the prize that awaits me.
Friday, February 13, 2015
HM
You don't really know me.
But I know you.
We were classmates for a brief minute, and then you graduated.
You became a successful writer, securing a fellowship at a prestigious school. I stayed here and continued working.
I always admired your writing; the way you creatively spoke in class. You were gifted; I knew it from the start. And I wished we could have been friends, but I was a non-traditional student. The old one. Often the outcast.
Perhaps you remember me, working at your alma mater, inviting you back to do a poetry reading for our Board. You were so impressive - sharing your experiences in war. I could tell the audience was moved. I read your article that was published by the Times, and I wished I could write like that. But writing like that is created in the deepest waters of experience.
I'm writing this today because I found out that your mom passed away in December. And I cried at my desk. I'd met your mom twice in my office. She seemed so upbeat and talented. I wondered if you and your brother and your father were ok. I wondered if you still wrote. I wondered what would happen to me if it were my mom.
As strange as this is, sometimes knowing that someone else is sad brings comfort. I hope you are surrounded by comfort today. I hope that you rise in these deep waters.
But I know you.
We were classmates for a brief minute, and then you graduated.
You became a successful writer, securing a fellowship at a prestigious school. I stayed here and continued working.
I always admired your writing; the way you creatively spoke in class. You were gifted; I knew it from the start. And I wished we could have been friends, but I was a non-traditional student. The old one. Often the outcast.
Perhaps you remember me, working at your alma mater, inviting you back to do a poetry reading for our Board. You were so impressive - sharing your experiences in war. I could tell the audience was moved. I read your article that was published by the Times, and I wished I could write like that. But writing like that is created in the deepest waters of experience.
I'm writing this today because I found out that your mom passed away in December. And I cried at my desk. I'd met your mom twice in my office. She seemed so upbeat and talented. I wondered if you and your brother and your father were ok. I wondered if you still wrote. I wondered what would happen to me if it were my mom.
As strange as this is, sometimes knowing that someone else is sad brings comfort. I hope you are surrounded by comfort today. I hope that you rise in these deep waters.
Thursday, January 1, 2015
December&2015
So, I am writing this post from my new iPad Air 2 in Charlotte, NC, while I visit my friends Misty and Adam for a few days. My last and most expensive jubilee was the purchase of new technology for worship. I am the proud new owner of a MacBook Pro and this fancy little iPad. While I never wanted to be an Apple snob, I had the chance to go to worship training with Andrew Ironside, where he quickly showed us the way that Mainstage and Onsong can change your worship life. I'm both excited and terrified at the possibilities!
I was able to inscribe a simple message on the back of my iPad for free, and as I thought and prayed about it, I felt like God reminded me of Hosea 6:3 - He will come like the rain. I love that verse and the imagery it brings. I am hoping that these tools will help others sense His rain. That inscription keeps that vision in front of me.
As for the coming year, I plan to continue to live life to the fullest. I don't ever want to stop adventuring. I hope to finally parasail and hot air balloon this coming year. I also hope to cross four more unvisited states off of my list this summer - Arkansas, Texas, Louisiana, and Mississippi.
Looking forward to every moment.
I was able to inscribe a simple message on the back of my iPad for free, and as I thought and prayed about it, I felt like God reminded me of Hosea 6:3 - He will come like the rain. I love that verse and the imagery it brings. I am hoping that these tools will help others sense His rain. That inscription keeps that vision in front of me.
As for the coming year, I plan to continue to live life to the fullest. I don't ever want to stop adventuring. I hope to finally parasail and hot air balloon this coming year. I also hope to cross four more unvisited states off of my list this summer - Arkansas, Texas, Louisiana, and Mississippi.
Looking forward to every moment.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)