I'll keep this short and sweet. My February Jubilee consisted of a road trip to Charlotte, North Carolina to visit my bff and her hubby (and her little dog too). While this might not seem like a big deal, it was. It was the longest I have ever driven anywhere by myself since I don't really care to be alone. Here's what my long weekend included:
*3:30 a.m. bedtimes - totally an adventure for me who likes to be in bed by 9 p.m.
*4 days of quality time with my best friend
*5 mile hikes and walks each day
*12 hours of drive time (all by myself)
Food, eating, shopping, talking, laughing, Lake Norman, Latta Plantation, church visiting, did I mention food? ;)
It's always a balm to my soul to be around someone who has known you from the beginning and still loves you anyway.
I am looking forward to my March jubilee. Stay tuned!
...That's what I've always told myself anyway. Thanks Eleanor Roosevelt for that sage advice; if only it were easily lived out. For the past several months, I've noticed that I have begun to feel completely inferior compared to everyone in my life. It's not that I've never felt inferior before, but lately, it seems like a recurring theme. And, I'm not writing this blog so that people will feel sorry for me and tell me how awesome I am. I'm writing this blog for my own sanity and need to see the truth.
I've always believed that it's important to be self-aware—know your strengths and your weaknesses. Don't tout your skill at something when, in fact, you really aren't that great at it. The last 29 years of my life, I've been an introvert to the core. I didn't let people in to my life very easily. I was guarded. But this past year, I've lived so differently than I ever have before. I enjoy people. I want them to be around. I even let new folks in to my world.
Hence, my newly found inferiority complex.
The truth is, when you let a bunch of imperfect people invade your life, things happen. Good things. Bad things. I've learned that I compare myself. I let the words spoken to me penetrate my heart and my head. I tend to listen to imperfect voices rather than the only voice that counts, Jesus.
When I think about the good things, I am compelled to press on. People matter. And no matter how much pain I experience, the gain far exceeds it. This is what Jesus has called us to. This is what Jesus has called me to.
The truth of the matter is, no matter what people say, I know this about God:
13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. 15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. 16 Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
Life is not a competition. Life is meant to be lived loving God and loving people. The other stuff, is just that, stuff. It only gets in the way of our purpose. Our mission.
I want to be better at this. I want to rise above insecurities that are trivial beyond belief. I don't want to fear to keep me from dreaming and doing and walking through doors that God has opened for me.
This song has become my daily prayer—my reminder that He is enough.
2014, among many other glowing occasions, marks my 30th year on this planet. It also marks my cousin/bff/twins 30th birthday as well. Having grown up with her as my constant companion through the good and the bad - the awkward teen years {gasp} - and as we've bungled through our twenties together, it seems only appropriate that we enter 30 together, garishly. Sar had this brilliant idea (her ideas are always brilliant) to celebrate this year as her year of jubilee - having adventures the entirety of 2014. I decided I needed to piggy back on this idea as well since I am pragmatically practical (yes they mean the same thing - it's for emphasis), always! Since I need organization even in disorganized adventuring, I decided that I wanted to have one adventure a month this coming year.
Sar and I had a clandestine meeting on a Saturday in January for another brilliant idea (by Sar of course) - bleaching and dyeing the tips of our hair in bold, extravagant colors. Below is the evidence :)
Sally's - birthplace of radical hair!
Getting ready for what looks like a very fun experiement
I love painting! Sar isn't too sure though :)
Waiting impatiently for activation - we watched Monster Inc., ate sweet potatoes and salad, and laughed a lot!
Baking the color in.
Dramatic...
wash.
Sar's magnificent results!
Sar's video documentary :)
I didn't really get a results photo because it turns out that my hair doesn't really like to be bright, bold, and vibrant. :) While the tips of my hair are now bleach blonde, my aqua tips never quite worked out despite multiple attempts. That's ok. Blonde is probably about as wild as I'll ever be.
Thus, our first moment of jubilee was born. Catch the blog again next month for another adventure...
Looking back on my 29 years of life, I cannot remember a time when I've had cling so tightly to a promise from God. Everyday, I literally have to remind myself not to give up.
At the beginning of this year, I knew that God was calling me to a deeper place in regards to self-control and discipline, quite possibly my two least favorite words. How could I say I loved God when I was so clearly living in a place of sin? I had never looked at my lack of self-control regarding food/healthy living in that way. Ever. But at the start of this year, it never seemed to make more sense. My body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, and it's the only one I get until that beautiful day when I get to spend eternity with Him. I want to honor Him in every way, including this very difficult area.
So here I am. Almost 9 months later. I have lost 48 pounds, and I have 34 more to go. This summer, while I was still disciplined in many ways, I was spending a lot of time with friends, enjoying the summer, which I think I desperately needed. Anyway, now that school is back in session, and many of my closest friends have moved away, I am ready to hit this self-control/discipline thing hard!
In May 2014, I turn the big 3-0, and I want to have practiced self-control/discipline in all of the areas that I feel like God is leading me to. I am, without question, a list person. I love to cross things off, or make a big red check mark next to an item that I have accomplished. So, I have printed an academic year calendar, and listed the following things that I am so hoping to accomplish within the next 9 months:
1.) Lose 34 more pounds
2.) Continue to eat healthy (no gluten/no sugar/whole foods as much as possible)
3.) Continue to work-out daily - I would love to run a 5K. I have a ways to go!
4.) Spend time with Jesus everyday
5.) Memorize a verse a week - So far, I've memorized Proverbs 19:21; 1 Peter 5:7; Galatians 6:9; and I'm currently working on 2 Samuel 22:31
6.) Read three books per month including a classic, a book of choice, and something to augment my time with Jesus. (I am failing here. Every time I pick up a book, I imagine being back in school - ah!)
7.) Become more focused in my calling - this has been difficult, but I am doing it. I love to be busy, but I felt like God said it was time to scale back in my duties to focus on what He's called me to in this season: worship and deeper relationships with the people He's placed in my life.
8.) Regularly, spend time fasting (this may kill me :)
9.) Save! Save! Save! Now that I'm a grown up with bills and a mortgage, I realize the importance of having a stash of cash in case something happens to my house, car, or job. I thoroughly enjoyed my summer, but I know now I need to utilize some self-control and start stashing some of the hard, earned cash in the 'ole savings account and my piggy bank for the big cross-country the roomies and I are taking in May.
10.) Sleep. This may seem silly, but I have realized the value and importance of rest. We are the most exhausted nation in the world. I'm doing my best to be in bed by 10:30 every week night so that when the alarm goes off at 5:30 a.m. to jog, I don't start praying by saying, "LORD, let this cup be passed from me."
I think it's so important to have goals and to keep pressing forward with them. If we stop growing, we stop living. What goals are you pressing toward? I'd love to hear from you.
P.S. This song has been a constant source of strength when I feel like giving up!
So, lately, I've realized that I have wandered far away from some of my hobbies, like writing and reading. And even though blogging has become archaic, replaced with cheap and quick counterparts like Tumblr, Twitter, and even Facebook, I decided to get back to this—not for anyone out there exactly—but for me. This is a good place for me to sort out my thoughts.
About a week and half ago, I was out jogging in the morning, and I was sad. Even though I've been told my entire life that exercise makes you happy because it gives you endorphins, I'm here to tell you that you can exercise and still be sad. There I was, sweating away to a random playlist on my I-Phone, trying to give some things to God, and all I wanted to do was hold on to each and every care. I'm not an emotional person. Ask my friends. I'm a big fan of logic driven decisions, but I'm not going to lie. While I was gasping for air, I wanted to let my emotions run rampant, when I felt like God started speaking 1 Peter 5:7 to me. You have probably heard some version of this verse, "Cast your cares on me, because I care for You." That's what I heard, over and over during my jog.
When I got home, I Googled the reference because I had no idea where the verse was, and I started reading all of 1 Peter 5. That's when I had an epiphany about how simplistic this whole process of casting cares really can be if we don't give up.
Anyway getting back to 1 Peter, I was struck by the juxtaposition of this warm and fuzzy verse of comfort right next to a verse of caution. Immediately after we give our cares to God, Peter emphasizes how important it is that we be on guard against the attacks of the enemy. So often, when I give my cares to God, I do one of two things. First, I either take the care back immediately, so I can begin to worry about it, or, I forget about it completely. I'm really good at divorcing myself from difficult situations, because it's an easy way to cope. But I don't think either of these solutions is what Peter was talking about. He tells us to cast our cares on God, and to be looking out for the devil who prowls like a lion. It doesn't take long to be devoured by worry, fear, and anxiety. Trust me. I know.
It's easy to give our cares to God, but it's not so easy to follow through. We have a responsibility to take action. First, we give our cares to God, but then, it's our job to stand firm on the promises of God regarding those cares. What has God spoken over my life? The lives of my family? What does He say in the Bible? Am I burying my head in the sand because it's too painful to deal with or am I constantly worrying about the difficulties of this life? The truth of the matter is that I don't have to do either. If I remember to cast my cares on to God and I persistently believe and hold fast to the promises of God, then His promise in 1 Peter 5 will come to pass: "... he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation."
Take time today to find a promise in the Bible to memorize and cling to. It's not difficult to do. The first one I found was in Proverbs 19:21, which basically says, you can make all the plans that you want, but the LORD's purposes will prevail. Go ahead. You can borrow this one.
I was talking to my good friend about the question that trips so many people up: why doesn't God stop bad things from happening to people? We all have our answer to this question. Free will, blah, blah, blah. But in that conversation I said that I wish I had all the answers, but I don't. I only know that the truth of God's word is what I have to hold on to. And in these coming months, while I find myself in a season of waiting, I'm going to be holding on to the promises that God has made to me.
1.) Finished up two more classes :) and have started two more - Old Testament and Christian Ethics in the U.S. (four more classes to go, and I will finally be done).
2.) Turned 26 (I am super old now), and I celebrated the day by going to work, which is how I know that I'm old.
3.) I had an awesome summer...I mowed the yard a lot, which was therapeutic in so many ways! I read books that were on my "books I must read before I die" list. I went to Philadelphia for the first time and saw all the typical touristy places. I went to several weddings, worked a lot, spent time with my youth groupians, and soaked up the rays in the back yard pool. I also got to catch up with friends, family, and on my sleep :)
4.) I began to attempt house-sitting professionally as a side gig so I can buy a nice car and travel more without having to sell a kidney. I have had mixed results, but I'm not giving up cause I would really like to keep my kidney! :)
5.) I watched a lot re-runs of The Office because it is the best show on television.
6.) I finally updated my blog with a lovely new background, and now you can officially follow my blog. Notice that no one is following it :) That's okay. I still love you.
7.) Oh yeah, I also became an aunt...and that is pretty much the best thing that has ever happened to me aside from Jesus.
So, since everytime I blog I spend most of it apologizing and subsequently filling people in on my life from the last time I blogged, I am gong to refrain from doing that tonight. I just need a place to hash out my thoughts...I'm not even sure where to begin because there is so much swimming around in my head.
The last week or so, I've been sad, lonely, and just unlike my normal positive self. I thought maybe it was just because work and school had been so busy, but then when my business ceased, I realized it was just me. See, I've just been feeling stuck lately. Not that good things aren't happening...that's just it, I feel like God is doing awesome things right now. Youth group has been amazing. We are seeing huge growth, both in numbers in what God is showing to our awesome kids! God has also been speaking to me personally...however, I still feel like I just need something new. I've been here in this same place for what seems like forever, and I keep telling myself that I need to be content, but I'm just so frustrated. I know that God has me here for this season of my life, but I just feel like I need a new adventure.
I hate to tell people this issue because naturally they think that all of my problems could be solved if I would only get married...ugh! At least, that's what most of the people in my life say.
And that brings me to my next issue, seriously people, I don't want to be set up with the really nice single guy that you know. Yeah, I know you think that there is nothing wrong with a 30 year old guy that lives in his parent's basement, but there probably is something wrong with him. But, I digress. The thing is, a long time ago, I made a promise to God that I wouldn't date just to date. I don't think I need to put my profile on EHarmony, or Match.com., and I certainly don't need a blind date to find the guy God has for me. I trust that if God wants me to get married, then He'll work it out. I trust Him. I've tried things my way before, and I know that doing things God's way is so much better. Enough said.
P.S. If you are single and think there is something wrong with you, it's okay. Being single is a good thing! I promise!
So, all of that to say, I just want a new adventure. So today, Pastor Burt felt like God had given him this message about breakthrough. I sensed the Holy Spirit simply say, "Listen." There was a lot of awesome stuff packed in the message which came from Judges 6, dealing with Gideon. The one point that really spoke to me was that sometimes God brings us to a new season, a season of breakthrough, and we don't even recognize it, just like Gideon couldn't see that the Angel of the Lord was his breakthrough moment and instead of recognizing it, he argued with the Angel. Conviction! I know I need to be content where God has me, in this season, for however long that takes...
Lord, I don't want to argue with you...take me where you want to take me. Help me to sacrifice where I need to sacrifice, and to choose You and Your ways in every situation that I encounter because Your ways are so much better and higher than my own. Thank you for Your ability to break me through—You can break me through loneliness, sadness, despondency, and lethargy because You love me. Thank you for that!
So, what has God been speaking to you these days? I'd love to hear from you.
