Discipline and Self-Control - LORD, Give Me Strength

Looking back on my 29 years of life, I cannot remember a time when I've had cling so tightly to a promise from God. Everyday, I literally have to remind myself not to give up.

At the beginning of this year, I knew that God was calling me to a deeper place in regards to self-control and discipline, quite possibly my two least favorite words. How could I say I loved God when I was so clearly living in a place of sin? I had never looked at my lack of self-control regarding food/healthy living in that way. Ever. But at the start of this year, it never seemed to make more sense. My body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, and it's the only one I get until that beautiful day when I get to spend eternity with Him. I want to honor Him in every way, including this very difficult area.

So here I am. Almost 9 months later. I have lost 48 pounds, and I have 34 more to go. This summer, while I was still disciplined in many ways, I was spending a lot of time with friends, enjoying the summer, which I think I desperately needed. Anyway, now that school is back in session, and many of my closest friends have moved away, I am ready to hit this self-control/discipline thing hard!

In May 2014, I turn the big 3-0, and I want to have practiced self-control/discipline in all of the areas that I feel like God is leading me to. I am, without question, a list person. I love to cross things off, or make a big red check mark next to an item that I have accomplished. So, I have printed an academic year calendar, and listed the following things that I am so hoping to accomplish within the next 9 months:

1.) Lose 34 more pounds

2.) Continue to eat healthy (no gluten/no sugar/whole foods as much as possible)

3.) Continue to work-out daily - I would love to run a 5K. I have a ways to go!

4.) Spend time with Jesus everyday

5.) Memorize a verse a week - So far, I've memorized Proverbs 19:21; 1 Peter 5:7; Galatians 6:9; and I'm currently working on 2 Samuel 22:31

6.) Read three books per month including a classic, a book of choice, and something to augment my time with Jesus. (I am failing here. Every time I pick up a book, I imagine being back in school - ah!)

7.) Become more focused in my calling - this has been difficult, but I am doing it. I love to be busy, but I felt like God said it was time to scale back in my duties to focus on what He's called me to in this season: worship and deeper relationships with the people He's placed in my life.

8.) Regularly, spend time fasting (this may kill me :)

9.) Save! Save! Save! Now that I'm a grown up with bills and a mortgage, I realize the importance of having a stash of cash in case something happens to my house, car, or job. I thoroughly enjoyed my summer, but I know now I need to utilize some self-control and start stashing some of the hard, earned cash in the 'ole savings account and my piggy bank for the big cross-country the roomies and I are taking in May.

10.) Sleep. This may seem silly, but I have realized the value and importance of rest. We are the most exhausted nation in the world. I'm doing my best to be in bed by 10:30 every week night so that when the alarm goes off at 5:30 a.m. to jog, I don't start praying by saying, "LORD, let this cup be passed from me."

I think it's so important to have goals and to keep pressing forward with them. If we stop growing, we stop living. What goals are you pressing toward? I'd love to hear from you.

P.S. This song has been a constant source of strength when I feel like giving up!

1 Peter 5:7-10 - Cast and Release

So, lately, I've realized that I have wandered far away from some of my hobbies, like writing and reading. And even though blogging has become archaic, replaced with cheap and quick counterparts like Tumblr, Twitter, and even Facebook, I decided to get back to this—not for anyone out there exactly—but for me. This is a good place for me to sort out my thoughts.

About a week and half ago, I was out jogging in the morning, and I was sad. Even though I've been told my entire life that exercise makes you happy because it gives you endorphins, I'm here to tell you that you can exercise and still be sad. There I was, sweating away to a random playlist on my I-Phone, trying to give some things to God, and all I wanted to do was hold on to each and every care. I'm not an emotional person. Ask my friends. I'm a big fan of logic driven decisions, but I'm not going to lie. While I was gasping for air, I wanted to let my emotions run rampant, when I felt like God started speaking 1 Peter 5:7 to me. You have probably heard some version of this verse, "Cast your cares on me, because I care for You." That's what I heard, over and over during my jog.

When I got home, I Googled the reference because I had no idea where the verse was, and I started reading all of 1 Peter 5. That's when I had an epiphany about how simplistic this whole process of casting cares really can be if we don't give up.

Anyway getting back to 1 Peter, I was struck by the juxtaposition of this warm and fuzzy verse of comfort right next to a verse of caution. Immediately after we give our cares to God, Peter emphasizes how important it is that we be on guard against the attacks of the enemy. So often, when I give my cares to God, I do one of two things. First, I either take the care back immediately, so I can begin to worry about it, or, I forget about it completely. I'm really good at divorcing myself from difficult situations, because it's an easy way to cope. But I don't think either of these solutions is what Peter was talking about. He tells us to cast our cares on God, and to be looking out for the devil who prowls like a lion. It doesn't take long to be devoured by worry, fear, and anxiety. Trust me. I know.

It's easy to give our cares to God, but it's not so easy to follow through. We have a responsibility to take action. First, we give our cares to God, but then, it's our job to stand firm on the promises of God regarding those cares. What has God spoken over my life? The lives of my family? What does He say in the Bible? Am I burying my head in the sand because it's too painful to deal with or am I constantly worrying about the difficulties of this life? The truth of the matter is that I don't have to do either. If I remember to cast my cares on to God and I persistently believe and hold fast to the promises of God, then His promise in 1 Peter 5 will come to pass: "... he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation." 

Take time today to find a promise in the Bible to memorize and cling to. It's not difficult to do. The first one I found was in Proverbs 19:21, which basically says, you can make all the plans that you want, but the LORD's purposes will prevail. Go ahead. You can borrow this one.

I was talking to my good friend about the question that trips so many people up: why doesn't God stop bad things from happening to people? We all have our answer to this question. Free will, blah, blah, blah. But in that conversation I said that I wish I had all the answers, but I don't. I only know that the truth of God's word is what I have to hold on to. And in these coming months, while I find myself in a season of waiting, I'm going to be holding on to the promises that God has made to me.

'Ello

What's new since I blogged last?

1.) Finished up two more classes :) and have started two more - Old Testament and Christian Ethics in the U.S. (four more classes to go, and I will finally be done).

2.) Turned 26 (I am super old now), and I celebrated the day by going to work, which is how I know that I'm old.

3.) I had an awesome summer...I mowed the yard a lot, which was therapeutic in so many ways! I read books that were on my "books I must read before I die" list. I went to Philadelphia for the first time and saw all the typical touristy places. I went to several weddings, worked a lot, spent time with my youth groupians, and soaked up the rays in the back yard pool. I also got to catch up with friends, family, and on my sleep :)



4.) I began to attempt house-sitting professionally as a side gig so I can buy a nice car and travel more without having to sell a kidney. I have had mixed results, but I'm not giving up cause I would really like to keep my kidney! :)

5.) I watched a lot re-runs of The Office because it is the best show on television.

6.) I finally updated my blog with a lovely new background, and now you can officially follow my blog. Notice that no one is following it :) That's okay. I still love you.

7.) Oh yeah, I also became an aunt...and that is pretty much the best thing that has ever happened to me aside from Jesus.

Random Thoughts from the Queen of Awkwardness

So, since everytime I blog I spend most of it apologizing and subsequently filling people in on my life from the last time I blogged, I am gong to refrain from doing that tonight. I just need a place to hash out my thoughts...I'm not even sure where to begin because there is so much swimming around in my head.

The last week or so, I've been sad, lonely, and just unlike my normal positive self. I thought maybe it was just because work and school had been so busy, but then when my business ceased, I realized it was just me. See, I've just been feeling stuck lately. Not that good things aren't happening...that's just it, I feel like God is doing awesome things right now. Youth group has been amazing. We are seeing huge growth, both in numbers in what God is showing to our awesome kids! God has also been speaking to me personally...however, I still feel like I just need something new. I've been here in this same place for what seems like forever, and I keep telling myself that I need to be content, but I'm just so frustrated. I know that God has me here for this season of my life, but I just feel like I need a new adventure.

I hate to tell people this issue because naturally they think that all of my problems could be solved if I would only get married...ugh! At least, that's what most of the people in my life say.

And that brings me to my next issue, seriously people, I don't want to be set up with the really nice single guy that you know. Yeah, I know you think that there is nothing wrong with a 30 year old guy that lives in his parent's basement, but there probably is something wrong with him. But, I digress. The thing is, a long time ago, I made a promise to God that I wouldn't date just to date. I don't think I need to put my profile on EHarmony, or Match.com., and I certainly don't need a blind date to find the guy God has for me. I trust that if God wants me to get married, then He'll work it out. I trust Him. I've tried things my way before, and I know that doing things God's way is so much better. Enough said.

P.S. If you are single and think there is something wrong with you, it's okay. Being single is a good thing! I promise!

So, all of that to say, I just want a new adventure. So today, Pastor Burt felt like God had given him this message about breakthrough. I sensed the Holy Spirit simply say, "Listen." There was a lot of awesome stuff packed in the message which came from Judges 6, dealing with Gideon. The one point that really spoke to me was that sometimes God brings us to a new season, a season of breakthrough, and we don't even recognize it, just like Gideon couldn't see that the Angel of the Lord was his breakthrough moment and instead of recognizing it, he argued with the Angel. Conviction! I know I need to be content where God has me, in this season, for however long that takes...

Lord, I don't want to argue with you...take me where you want to take me. Help me to sacrifice where I need to sacrifice, and to choose You and Your ways in every situation that I encounter because Your ways are so much better and higher than my own. Thank you for Your ability to break me through—You can break me through loneliness, sadness, despondency, and lethargy because You love me. Thank you for that!

So, what has God been speaking to you these days? I'd love to hear from you.

Still Alive

I have been meaning to blog for about the past 6 months, I promise. I wish that I had more time to blog. Even now, I should be studying for my Political Science mid-term, but I find the exhilaration of writing to be much more exciting than figuring out what I am going say about European politics in my essay exam on Tuesday. Some people suffer from Senioritis - I would be one of those people, and sadly, I have had the disease my entire life :) I long for the day that school is over with, and I no longer have the constant pressure of tests, homework, and papers...that day will come—I know. Lord, give me patience.

So, I am going to try to give you an update on the past several months:

My best friend got married in September (congrats Misty & Adam)!
I had such a ball with the shower, the bachelorette party, the wedding on the beach, and the two receptions that followed (one in Georgia and one in Ohio). Such sweet times with old friends, new friends, friends that are more like family...it was a beautiful couple of months.

I am still plugging away at school and work. We just finished our big fall weekend, and everything seemed to go without a hitch.

But the most exciting thing that has been happening is youth group...these past few months I have witnessed so many miracles—the blessings of God—answered prayers—forgiveness—healing—it has been inspiring. While there have been rocky moments (quite a few actually), it is apparent that God is at work in the lives of the teens, and I am so happy to be a part of it all.

Well, this is just a quick update. If you want to see any current photos, check out my facebook.

Be encouraged that God is at work. Something that I have been thinking about a lot lately is a verse in 1 John. To paraphrase, it basically says that our hearts are deceptive at times and it can make us doubt our salvation or who we are in Christ, but it goes on to say that God is bigger than our hearts. Sometimes we psych ourselves out, believing that we can never overcome choices that we have made, but God is bigger than any mistake we have ever made; He is bigger than who our heart says we are.

Panera Ponderings

I just dropped my best friend off at the airport and am now sitting at Panera, one of my many guilty pleasures. Is there anything better than drinking a chai tea while people watching and enjoying the benefits of free wi-fi? If you can tell me something I might like better, I dare you to leave a comment :)

This has been quite the week. My best friend came home from Georgia because she is finally getting married. As the maid-of-honor, I knew I needed to throw her a shower and perhaps a bachelorette party...it makes life a little tricky living so far away from each other, but it all worked out. We had an amazingly fun and productive week. It is always so good to catch up, but more than just catching up, I realized this week that there is so much beauty in the traditions leading up the pinnacle day-the glorious, and hopefully once-in-a-lifetime day. This year, I have been surrounded by failed marriages, and it has left me very cynical. I have spent much time in sorrow by how broken we have become. I have found myself questioning things like divorce and remarriage and everything that goes along with it. I have wondered if it is possible to truly be able to stay married in this crazy, messed-up world.

I know the answer is yes, but there are times when I have been afraid that no one will be able to succeed in what seems to be an increasing impossibility. In the end, this week has helped to restore my faith in the beauty of marriage—the beauty of what God created. Maybe it seems strange that a week with my best friend did that, but I have watched her figure this thing out with wisdom and grace. If anyone can make it, I know it will be her.

I realized the beauty of the human spirit in the traditions of weddings. The coming together of those you love. People really do care about your future. They do all they can to prepare you for a new life and to succeed at that life - gifts to set your house up, advice for everything from cooking to kids, and making you feel like the most important person until the wedding day.

What a good week. I am grateful for my dear friend; I am grateful that my big job is over with :) (other than writing that pesky wedding toast); and I am most grateful for the people in my life who have worked hard at marriage and made it work forever. They are my heroes.

To Mike - we miss you but are so glad you are in paradise...

He won’t let you go the moment that you say,
“Come and live in me, just take me all the way.”
Cause what he said is true: no He will never leave you
Forever by your side, oh, it’s true.

He won’t let you go though the seasons change
He’s never been so close—no He’s just a prayer away.
When you hear the Father’s call, when He’s calling to you,
Just run into His arms, no don’t hesitate to do it.

Cause He won’t let you go—He’s forever by your side.
He wants you to know Jesus has paid the price.
He wants you to go forever in paradise.
To give your heart to Him is really all you have to do.
Even when you die, He will still be by your side.

He won’t let you go, His love will never change.
Let Him hold you close, closer every day.
He would have died for you had you been the only one,
So don’t you ever doubt, no oh, it’s true.

He won’t let you go—and He’s forever by your side.
He wants you to know Jesus has paid the price.
Cause He wants you to go forever in paradise.
Give your heart to Him is really all you have to do.
Even when you die, He will still be by your side.
Give your heart to Him is really all you have to do.
And then even when you die, He will still be by your side.

He will never let you go this I know He will never let you go oh no
Through the ages time after time ooh this is true
He will never let you go
No He won't let you go, time after time.

-The Kry